Conflict Resolution

It is inevitable that Christians will have different views on issues, but disputes which break out into the public arena (through court or media) are a poor witness to a watching world, not to mention expensive. God's Word has much to say about this issue, and Resolve does an excellent job teaching this through its courses, training mediators, and mediating when needed. Resolve has received some funding to run conflict resolution courses in a number of churches around the country and to reach out into the wider community. New Zealand Christian Network will be actively encouraging churches that do not have a satisfactory resolution procedure to include Resolve in their agreements and constitutions. Even where good procedure exists, it may still be appropriate to have an independent external Christian agency, such as Resolve, involved.

One of our problems in resolving the conflicts we have with one another is that we do not have the necessary negotiation skills.  As a result we are trapped in the way we always do things and we reach a stubborn impasse with people with each one refusing to shift from their position.  How can we break this pattern?We can readily learn from Abigail whose story we read about in 1 Samuel 25. Nabal who was Abigail’s husband had refused assistance to David’s men and David was about to go and put Nabal and his men to the sword ( v22 and v34 ).  One of the comments about Nabal was “ that he is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him” ( v 17 ).  I believe we need to be careful in our communication that we do not become so entrenched and so stubborn that we get a reputation that no one can talk to us. Abigail adopted some sensible tactics with her negotiation with David to avoid the impending disaster.1. She remained respectful- and this to someone who was about to kill off all the males in the household. “She bowed down before David with her face to the ground.” V23.
2. She was humble- even taking the blame to protect her household.  She acknowledges  “I did not see the men my master sent “
3. She affirmed the relationship- she offered food and wine. This is a good way of negotiating. Show some forethought and treat each other as we would want to be treated.
4. Abigail understood David’s underlying interest.  She knew David was very annoyed...

A fair question but what is really being asked?  On the one hand it could be like Peter asking Jesus “ How many times should I forgive someone who does something wrong to me? Is 7 times enough?” Jesus answered not just 7 times but 77 times.Here is Peter thinking he is being very generous in his willingness to meet the requirements of the law but the demands of grace extend a lot more.  Jesus then explained the 77 times by his story of the official who refused to forgive.  The point of the story is to explain the depth of indebtedness and the corresponding forgiveness that Jesus offers us in comparison to the miserliness of our attitude to those who offend us. Read Matthew 18:23-35 to get the full picture.On the other hand the person could really be saying this is all too hard because you do not know what a difficult person I am dealing with and what I have to put up with. Paul wrote in Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Other scriptures talk about “making every effort” or “strive zealously”.  Peacemaking is not a passive process and takes effort on your part.  Many times failure in peacemaking is because we have failed to seriously examine our own heart and to remove the log from our own eye.  However even if we do that we can sometimes get discouraged because our efforts have not brought about reconciliation. Sometimes people have a legalistic approach to the scriptures.  They may say “ Well I...

(Draft Only) Introduction Why is there conflict? What impact is unresolved conflict having in the Christian community? What help does the Bible provide for Christians who want to know how they should respond to conflict?
This paper examines the biblical principles of conflict resolution and provides assistance for those who want to respond to conflict in a manner that honours God's way. Conflict will be defined and the causes of conflict identified. We then outline what we consider is a biblical response to conflict. For a Christian to respond to conflict both at a personal level and also at a community level, he/she must first understand the causes. The end result of a Christian community responding biblically to conflict is the fulfilment of Jesus' prayer in John 17. "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." As long as Christians fail to work through conflict in a way that glorifies God, the witness of the Church will be compromised. Will the world watch on and say "... by this shall all people know you are my disciples, if you...