(Draft Only)

Introduction

Why is there conflict? What impact is unresolved conflict having in the Christian community? What help does the Bible provide for Christians who want to know how they should respond to conflict?
This paper examines the biblical principles of conflict resolution and provides assistance for those who want to respond to conflict in a manner that honours God's way.

Conflict will be defined and the causes of conflict identified. We then outline what we consider is a biblical response to conflict. For a Christian to respond to conflict both at a personal level and also at a community level, he/she must first understand the causes.

The end result of a Christian community responding biblically to conflict is the fulfilment of Jesus' prayer in John 17.

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me."

As long as Christians fail to work through conflict in a way that glorifies God, the witness of the Church will be compromised. Will the world watch on and say "... by this shall all people know you are my disciples, if you have love for one for another ?"

A definition of Conflict

Whilst there are many definitions of conflict, a broad definition of conflict which can cover all variations is:
"A difference in opinion or purpose that frustrates someone's goals or desires"

Causes of conflict

Misunderstandings (Joshua 22:10-34, by way of example)
Differences in values, goals, priorities, expectations, interests or opinions. (I Cor 12:12-31)
Competition over limited resources (Gen 13:1-12 for example)
Sinful attitudes and desires that lead to sinful words and actions (James 4:1-3)
Evidence of conflict

We are surrounded by the evidence of conflict in our communities: broken and dysfunctional families, prisons full to overflowing, violence in schools, practices in parliament, churches splitting and the list goes on.

Conflict is not only an individualistic experience.

The language of this paper may be very personal and individualistic. It is important that we recognise both that we are part of communities and that whole communities can be in dispute.

Our personal conflicts often impact others around us and in reconciling there may be residual issues to be solved in our respective communities be they our families, churches, work organisations or our circle of friends. Often they have sided with parties through loyalty or prejudice. There is a responsibility to put these to rest as well.

Communities, nations may be in conflict for a variety of reasons. They divide over issues of ethnicity, faith, economic difference, power imbalances and historic differences.

The process we outline below has validity even for communities and nations. The mediating parties may just need higher skill levels and greater 'known' credibility. We should humbly understand that those of us who are faithful in the little (personal) may well be used by God in the large (community and national).

Responses to Conflict

The Bible provides us with a simple yet powerful system for resolving conflict.

See Conflict as an Opportunity

Conflict is not necessarily bad or destructive.
Even when conflict is caused by sin and causes a great deal of distress, God can use it for good (see Rom. 8:28-29)
As the Apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1, conflict actually provides three significant opportunities. By God's grace, you can use conflict to:

Glorify God (by trusting, obeying, and imitating him)
Serve other people (by helping to bear their burdens or by confronting them in love)
Grow to be like Christ (by confessing sin and turning from attitudes that promote conflict).
These concepts are totally overlooked in most conflicts because people naturally focus on escaping from the situation or overcoming their opponent. The common flight or fight syndrome.

Glorify God

When the Apostle Paul urged the Corinthians to live "to the glory of God," he was not talking about one hour on Sunday morning. He wanted them to show God honour and bring him praise in day-to-day life; especially in the way that they resolved personal conflict.

In 1 Corinthians 10:31 Paul says: "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." This plea follows on from Paul's teaching to the church at Corinth in response to the various conflicts that were evident in the life of the church. These conflicts included debates about who was the greatest apostle, debates about sex, immorality, incest, marriage and celibacy, The Lord's table, diet, law suits and spiritual gifts.

As mentioned above, you can glorify God in the midst of conflict by trusting him, obeying him, and imitating him (Prov. 3:4-6 )

John 14:15; says "If you love me, you will obey what I command."

Eph. 5:11 says "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children".

One of the best ways to keep these concerns uppermost in your mind is to regularly ask yourself this focusing question: "How can I please and honour the Lord in this situation?"

Get the log out of your own eye

One of the most challenging principles of peacemaking is set out in Matthew 7:5, where Jesus says, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from the other person's eye."

There are generally two kinds of "logs" we need to look for when dealing with conflict. First, we need to ask whether we have had a critical, negative, or overly sensitive attitude that has led to unnecessary conflict.

The second kind of log we must deal with is actual sinful words and actions. Because we are often blind to our own sin, we may need an honest friend or advisor who will help us take an objective look at ourselves and face up to our contribution to a conflict. When we identify ways that we have wronged another person, it is important to admit our wrongs honestly and thoroughly. One way to do this is to make a genuine confession.

The most important aspect of getting the log out of your own eye is to go beyond the confession of wrong behaviour and face up to the root cause of that behaviour. The Bible teaches that conflict comes from the desires that battle in your heart (James 4:1-3; Matt. 15:18-19). Some of these desires are obviously sinful, such as wanting to conceal the truth, bend others to your will, or have revenge. But, in many situations conflict may be fuelled by good desires that we have elevated to sinful demands, such as a craving to be understood, loved, respected, or vindicated.

Any time we become excessively preoccupied with something, even a good thing, and seek to find happiness, security or fulfilment in it rather than in God, we are guilty of idolatry. Idolatry inevitably leads to conflict with God ("You shall have no other gods before me"). It also causes conflict with other people. As James writes, when we want something but don't get it, we kill and covet, quarrel and fight (James 4:1-4).

There are three basic steps you can take to overcome the idolatry that fuels conflict.

First, you should ask God to help you see where you have been guilty of wrong worship, that is, where you are focusing your love, attention, and energy on something other than Him. Secondly, you should specifically identify and renounce each of the desires contributing to the conflict. Finally, you should deliberately pursue right worship; that is, to fix your heart and mind on God and to seek joy, fulfilment, and satisfaction in Him alone.

Gently Restore or, to put it another way, Go and show the other person his or her fault

Another key principle of peacemaking involves an effort to help others understand how they have contributed to a conflict. Before we rush off to confront someone, however, remember that it is appropriate to overlook minor offences (see Prov. 19:11)

If an offence is too serious to overlook, God commands us to go and talk with the offender privately and lovingly about the situation (see Matt. 18:15). As you do so, remember to:
Pray for humility and wisdom
Plan your words carefully (think of how you would want to be confronted)
Anticipate likely reactions and plan appropriate responses (rehearsals can be very helpful)
Choose the right time and place (talk in person whenever possible. Avoid e-mail or letters as these can be misunderstood and cause more conflict)
Assume the best about the other person until you have facts to prove otherwise (Prov. 11:27)
Listen carefully (Prov. 18:13)
Speak only to build others up (Eph. 4:29)
Ask for feedback from the other person
Recognize your limits (only God can change people; see Rom. 12:18; 2 Tim. 2:24-26)
Personal peacemaking is not measured by results. As Christians, the key thing to realise is that we should not be results oriented but obedience oriented. Very often we can do everything right and act in a biblical manner, but because of unrepentance or bitterness the other person may refuse to do what is right. This is where we must simply trust God, as only he can soften a heart and ultimately bring a change in the other person as they seek to follow Him.

If repeated, careful attempts at a private discussion are not fruitful, and if the matter is still too serious to overlook, you should ask one or two other people to meet with you and the other party and help you to resolve your differences through mediation, arbitration, or church discipline. This involves the "take one or two along" process. A trained mediator or someone with wise counsel can be an effective person in the process. This is still a private matter between people.
Sometimes this procedure does not work and it is then necessary to progress to the next step outlined in Matthew 18:17, which is to "tell it to the church".

What does this mean in today's society where there is increasingly a lost sense of community and accountability to that Community of Faith?

It certainly does not mean public humiliation. It does require an individual's church leaders to be informed. Those leaders may be cell group leaders, youth leaders, Pastors or Elders. The size of the audience and the appropriate leaders will differ depending upon the office or position an individual holds within the Church and the gravity of the offence.

Part of the problem with this process is that when people face "church discipline" they may flee and sign up with a different church that is unaware of them or their background. Each body of believers must apply this in a way that seeks to encourage the unrepentant to be restored. It is a process that is anecdotally more often performed poorly than well.

The purposes of church discipline are:

1. To forgive and restore the offender, leading them to repentance , faith and usefulness to God (Gal 6:1, Matt 12:20, Acts 3:19)
2. To prevent dishonour to God (Rom 2:23-24)
3. To protect the purity of the church, preventing the offender from leading others into sin. (1 Cor 5:1-13 and Matt 18:6)

When power and authority is not balanced

It is not unusual for conflict to exist between parties of different rank or authority: Manager and employee, Pastor and parishioner, Adult to child, parent to child. Sometimes the difference is in power, or personality, or between abuser and abused. Wisdom, a very biblical concept, tells us that we need to find ways to take away the power differential in order to allow two human beings (equal before the Lord) to confront and resolve their differences. This can be done by agreed (and supported) resolution procedures or by adding numbers or skills to the disempowered by going direct to step two of the Matthew 18 processes: "go with others"

Go and be reconciled

One of the most unique features of biblical peacemaking is the pursuit of genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. Most conflict has both a substantive and a relational element. The substantive issues are often solved through negotiated solutions, the relational differences require confession and forgiveness; often from both parties. Even though Christians have experienced the greatest forgiveness in the world, we too often fail to show that forgiveness to others. Fortunately for us God forgives us totally and opens the way for genuine reconciliation. He calls us to forgive others in exactly the same way as He forgives us: (Col. 3:12-14; see also 1 Cor. 13:5; Psalm 103:12; Is. 43:25).

Forgiveness is a spiritual process that we cannot fully accomplish on our own. Therefore, as we seek to forgive others, we need to continually ask God for grace to enable us to imitate his wonderful forgiveness toward us.

Reportable offences that lead to conflict

Reconciliation deals with the personal separation that has occurred in conflict. However, as part of the consequences of sin it is often necessary for the civil authorities , via the Police, to be involved. There are conflicts that are based on reportable offences. Sexual abuse is an example. God has given civil government jurisdiction over such criminal acts. ( Rom 13:1-7 ) As a Christian community we cannot avoid our responsibility to actually report these. We cannot hide behind Matthew 18 to avoid the consequences of unacceptable offences. The scriptures are clear that sin has consequence. Confession and Forgiveness leading to reconciliation are still available through restorative justice processes.

Calls to Action

1. Inform and teach the church how to respond to conflict in a way that honours God rather than taking a brother or sister to court. ( I Cor 6:1-8 )
2. Raise up Christian people with a gift of mediation to be able to assist Christians in dispute.

Names and positions of contributors

1. Neil Evans LLB., M.Com Law (Hons) CEO Resolve ( The Christian Service for Disputes Resolution Inc) Associate at Gaze Burt Lawyers
2. Martien Kelderman B.Com, MBA, BTh, Dip Min, CEO of The Fountain Institute.
3. Clayton Kimpton LL.B Chairman of Partners Kensington Swan

Acknowledgements

Much of the material for this paper has been resourced from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, by Ken Sande (Baker Books, 2nd ed. 1997). In addition, material has been obtained from Peacemaker Ministries (R) and their website www.peacemaker.net.

Scripture is quoted from Today's New International Version.

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